


On Paper

by CraftKookies



Category: Vikings (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 02:51:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17014206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CraftKookies/pseuds/CraftKookies
Summary: The Sons of Ragnar get into an argument About who the reader would choose between them.





	On Paper

‘No you idiots, it’s me obviously.’ Hvitserk said surely.

‘Not a chance you cow.’ Sigurd scoffed.

‘Cow?! I’m fighting fit you boar!’ his brother argued.

‘Both of you are wrong, it would clearly be me, no questions asked.’ Ubbe boasted.

You could hear the Sons of Ragnar arguing from outside the hunting cabin, meaning they had been at it for at least twenty minutes.

You took a deep breath to ready yourself before you entered.

‘I assume Ivar sent the slave to fetch me to break up another petty fight.’ you said as you came in.

Instead of the usual rush of complaints and defenses being yelled at you from each brother you received nothing but focused stares on you.

You look around and see all the boys you’d grown up with looking at you in a very odd way.

‘What is it, it there hay in my hair again?’ you asked bringing your hand to your hair, you had been training with the other shield maidens when the slave girl had fetched you.

‘No- there is nothing in your hair (Y/N).’ Hvitserk said, still looking at you the way he never had.

‘So what is today’s argument?’ you asked.

Again there was silent, but this time they all went out of their way to look at anything but you.

You hear the unmistakable sound of Ivar coming in from the second room.

You waited for him to reach his bed, knowing better than to try and assist him after him pushing you away when you had tried when you were twelve.

Once he had settled in his seat he looked to his brothers with a teasing smile.

‘Go ahead brothers, tell her what the fuss is about.’ he urged.

‘It is nothing, stupid brotherly spats.’ Ubbe discarded.

‘You do not want to tell her? OK, I will. So after finally bagging that boar he’s been after all month Hvitserk says “I shall celebrate with a woman!” and to that Ubbe said “Which one this time?”’ Ivar acted out, lowering his voice to mimic his brothers.

You tilted your head as you begin to process his words.

‘Well this seems like a story that will leave your three brothers very embarrassed…continue.’ you grinned as you sat next to Ivar, ready for a sure to be hilarious story.

‘Who says what next?’ you asked excitedly.

‘Hvitserk hums “I don’t know, maybe a new one, so it will be a real treat.”and rubs his chin in thought. “But you’ve had every available free woman and slave” Sigurd reminds him.

‘Ivar, shut your mouth.’ Ubbe says.

‘But this is your part Ubbe.’ Ivar smiles.

‘Tell it, I’m too interested now.’ you pout.

‘She wants to know.’ Ivar grins.

‘Just tell me.’ you all but begged.

‘Ubbe stands and says “There is one shield maiden he hasn’t had, in fact no man has had her.” and we all stop and think of the one shield maiden he was referring to.’ Ivar smiled looking at you.

Your cheeks redden as you stood up and look at Hvitserk, Sigurd and Ubbe with wide eyes.

‘Me?’ you ask.

‘You, and the story isn’t over yet. “She wouldn’t want you, she has self respect. She would prefer a man that treats her kindly, and that’s me.” Sigurd said.

Your eyes snapped from Hvitserk to Sigurd.

‘Ubbe steps in and proclaims “She is a shield maiden, I’m sure she likes men who treat her as an equal. And we all know its me, besides even if none of that mattered, I’m sure she would prefer me physically.”‘

At this point you all, with the exception of Ivar of course, were a blushing mess.

‘I left after they began talking about their…length, and sent for you to settle this argument like always.’ Ivar finished, leaning back to watch the situation unfold.

‘I…by the Gods!’ you shouted.

‘We’re so sorry, it was a dumb thing on all parts.’ Ubbe apologized.

‘I grew up with you idiots, and you put me in such a category.’ you glared, walking up to them hitting each of them upside their heads.

‘OK it was dumb, and of course I would never treat you like that (Y/N), you’re practically a sister to me…but honestly out of us, you’d pick me right?’ Hvitserk asked.

‘She wouldn’t pick you.’ Sigurd sighed as if he had said it a million times.

‘Would you three stop, and think to ask me?’

They all looked to you and straightened their stances.

‘Who would you have?’ Ivar asked.

‘Well Sigurd is nicest to me, Ubbe never treats me like a stupid maiden, and Hvitserk is very experienced from what I’ve heard and makes me laugh.’ you said, looking them over, the way they had you just before.

‘All of you are handsome and very capable, on paper any of you three would be excellent lovers for any woman, but if I had to chose one son of Ragnar it would be…Ivar.’

‘Ivar!?’ the three gasped.

Their eyes snapped to their crippled brother, who was looking just as shocked if not more shocked than them.

‘Me?’

‘You, the boy who killed my childhood bully during a game, invited me to the great hall for my first feast, and trained with me for the first time. Saw me have my first bleed, wasn’t that horrid.’ you laughed at the end.

You sat back down next to your friend.

‘Almost every first I’ve had you’ve been there, why not be the biggest first Ivar? The one I’d never forget.’ you smiled.

‘But he can’t please you, he’s a-’ Sigurd started.

‘How many axes does he need to throw at your head to shut you up?’ you cut him off.

‘Why choose him, not to offend but he really cannot.’ Ubbe said.

‘There are more ways than one to please a woman, so I’ve heard. Besides, Ivar makes such wonderful things…I’d bet he is amazing with his hands.’ you smiled, taking a seat in Ivar’s lap, wrapping your arms around his neck.

Over the years you had sat this way several times so Ivar instinctively put his hands on your waist.

He was still wearing the same look of shock he had since you said you’d choose him.

You see that the others seemed to be just as baffled as Ivar, and you wanted to draw this out.

If they want to objectify you why not give them a bit of hell, plus this was really a two birds one stone situation for you.

‘And look at his face, its the face any woman would love to sit on I think. From what I’ve heard Ivar, your angry growls have made snuck into some maiden’s dreams.’

If possible, Ivar’s eyes widen anymore.

You look over at the other three before leaning over to whisper in Ivar’s ear.

‘Even mine once or twice.’ you said softly.

‘I think you three should leave us, for a while.’ you smiled looking at the three men standing in front of you.

They looked at Ivar then you one more time before they left, Sigurd taking longer than the rest.

Ivar looked away from you at last and shook his head with a sad chuckle.

‘Very nice way to torture them (Y/N), choose the cripple to hurt their pride.’ he sighed.

‘Well granted I did put on a show out of malice, but you know me Ivar…I do not lie. Not ever, not for anyone. So every word I spoke…was true Ivar, every single word of it.’ you swore.

Ivar looked up you, searching your eyes, but he found only honesty.

‘I am sorry (Y/N), but that snake was right…I can not please you the way you deserve. My legs aren’t the only useless things on me.’ he said, looking away in shame.

‘Like I said…more than one way.’ you smiled as you pushed him back onto the mattress.


End file.
